How To Keep Your Man

Alright ladies... Its about time you heard the truth. I don't THINK like a woman for the most part so you bitches might want to listen. Alot of sisters wonder why its so hard for them to keep a man, then again alot of you are 35 years old screamin "Niggas aint shit!" Heres 5 tips on how to keep your man... AND STILL BE HAPPY:

Tip # 1: Learn How To Cook

If you ain't cooking 9 times out of 10, hes really not all that happy. A man likes to be able to come home from a long days work to a nice home cooked meal. He doesn't ask for much. So just get off your lazy ass and do it. You don't have to create a feast, you can make something in 30 minutes. Especially if you get off work before he does. and If you don't, Make something he can pop in the oven the night before. Homemade Chicken Pot Pie is simple, and you can assemble it before bed and pop it in the oven after work. Simple fact is, Don't be lazy and have your man eating fast food every day.

Tip # 2: Clean Up After Yourself

Ladies, No man likes a lazy woman. Even if your not cleaning up after him, clean up after yourself! No man wants to wake up in the morning to brush his teeth and shave and find your big ass bloody period panties in the gotdamn sink. Soak them in cold water for 2 hours and then put them in the washing machine. Pull out the Hoover before bed and take it to the carpet. Grab the Swiffer and mop the kitchen and bathroom before bed.  It would be nice if you washed his clothes or made the bed from time to time, but don't let him come home to a dirty ass house after a hard day at work. 

Tip # 3: Don't Nag Him

Ladies stop nagging your man 24 hours a day. Your nagging him and accusing him of things hes not even aware that hes doing! He just got off work, let that man sit down and rest. If you have something to say to him sit down and speak to him about it in a calm and respectful manner. You flying off the hinges is NOT going to get questions answered, and its NOT going to make your environment any happier.

Tip # 4: Please Your Man

This is where the shit gets complicated. Ladies, some of you are going to be shocked at this, but fellas will understand. Ladies... SUCK YOUR MANS DICK! and don't half ass it either. You bitches work my nerves saying "I don't like to suck dick" "Sucking dick is nasty" Well guess what, If you don't do it some midget stripper with no teeth who can do it with no hands WILL. Its not even just about sucking his dick ALL THE WAY OFF... Its about knowing what he likes and not being afraid to do it. Hes eating your stank ass pussy nightly. Bitch you can't show him that same appreciation? Stop being so uppity and let your man drop his nuts off in your throat one good time. 

Tip # 5: Communication & Compromise

I know that we always want our way, but sometimes that can't be the case. We have to understand that Compromise and Communication are key. I put these two together because they really are the most important. How can you keep a stable relationship if you don't communicate, and how can you expect to be happy if you don't compromise for the good of yourself and your significant other. Ladies, men are NOT mind readers, they don't know what you want unless you say it. Woman stop thinking that you know these men better then they know themselves. Sometimes you just gotta ask your man "Baby what is it that YOU want?" If he tells you "I want you to suck my dick let me bust a good one make me a sandwich and let me watch the game" DO IT! Don't make it more complicated then it really is. He does everything you ask him to without fail, Try compromising for what he wants. A relationship is 50/50 you can't think that you can always get your way.

Ladies, I hope you take these words to heart. Fellas I hope You approve of EVERYTHING I said.